Introduction to My Purpose Part Two: Radical and Life Changing

Glorious Friday!  I haven’t wished my week away, but I’m glad Friday has arrived.  As I told you yesterday, I went to the Women’s “dotMom Conference” this past weekend put on by Lifeway, so I got behind around the house.  I’m thankful for a half day of school today for my oldest, and a weekend ahead full of fun and rest.

I always know that I have to keep pressing on despite the obstacles because something better is around the corner.  The spiritual warfare started a full week before I left for the conference, and Satan pulled out his best weapons against me along the way.  However, I dragged my tired and stressed out self on anyway.  Before the point in the weekend that really was pivotal in my life, I was on the phone telling Eric I would just as soon curl up in a chair and sleep in the lobby as go to the breakout session.  I am thankful at times like these that I have a deeply engrained sense not only of right and wrong but also of getting my value out of my dollars spent.  So, I found a chair by myself near the back at the end of the row to see if this guy, David Thomas, had anything good to teach me about “Understanding the Emotional Development of Young Children.”  I had never heard of him, but apparently he is an accomplished author and counselor in Nashville.  I sat through two of his sessions…the second called “Wild Things…The Art of Nurturing Boys.”  Little did I realize what was happening then would result in having a renewed sense of purpose and a desire to do something radical in my life.  This was the beginning of a long fog of raising babies lifting to reveal what is next in my life. 

As I sat and listened to this guy talk, I had a huge realization hit me.  I already knew most of what he was saying.  I already was doing some of what he recommended and had just forgotten about a few golden nuggets of which he reminded me.  I don’t add this to say I know it all or what I’m doing.  Not at all.  I add this because it was at that point that I realized that I am indeed NOT a failure as a mother.  I realized that somewhere in the drudgery of changing diapers and cleaning up spills and wiping noses and saying “NO!” for the millionth time in the 4 years it took to get Mark to 4 and Nathaniel to 2, I lost my confidence.  It was so gradual that I didn’t know it happened.  Like the frog in the boiling pot, my circumstances had chipped away at my confidence for so long that I was left defeated.  Add in mommy guilt, comparison to other moms, and the emotional issues of just simply being a woman, and I was just a mess.  Now, God has been trying to get this through to me for a very long time.  I’m unfortunately just as stubborn as my children are at times, and I had gotten comfortable with my pity party condition of “woe is me.”  Sometimes, change and good requires some work and effort, and I had just been too tired and worn out to even embrace them when they were presented.   I think the big difference this time was a simple prayer I prayed during one of the large group sessions.  The music leader was talking about not being spiritually asleep.  I thought to myself…”I don’t think I’m spiritually asleep.  I try to get listen for what God has to say through His Word, through other people, through sermons and lessons, etc.  I certainly haven’t had my head stuck in the sand…I’ve felt God’s presence and seen Him moving in my life.  So, surely I’m not spiritually asleep.  But I’ll pray anyway.”  So, I prayed that if somehow I was indeed spiritually asleep (cause, I mean, I WANTED to be physically asleep for sure), I wanted God to awaken me so that I wouldn’t miss anything.  I believe He answered this prayer by helping me process better what I had heard all weekend.  There did seem to be a fog that lifted that brought clarity to all I had heard.  It started the process that took several days to show me that I want to make some radical changes in my life.

I got to hear Jen Hatmaker in her breakout session “Parenting the Kids You Have, Not the Kid You Were” as well as in the large group setting.  Now, I love her.  I think I love the way she writes because I tend to write/think that way myself.  Adding a little humor to the drudgery of life makes it more bearable to endure the hard times.  She was just incredible, and I took 4 pages of notes as hurriedly as possible and still didn’t get everything down.  I left her session feeling a little offended, a little uncomfortable, and a lot convinced I need a radical change in my life.  She doesn’t beat around the bush about loving Jesus and trying to imitate Him.  She calls it like it is, and that is the way I roll.  I’m sure she has plenty of critics (cause I find that I do!), but she is incredibly effective to those who can get over themselves and see the point she’s trying to make.  I was quite surprised that Lifeway would even put her on the platform to speak.  I think her message is really a threat to traditional church the way we’ve come to know it.  I think she is dead on though in her point.  We spend way too much time entertaining ourselves as Christians and blessing each other than reaching the poor, hopeless, and lost with the love of Christ.  I loved hearing her personal story of changing the way they did things in their home, and that flowing forward into starting a new church because of their radical changes.  Hearing her say that she WANTS the riff raff and homeless eating dinner around her table in her home honestly offended me.  You mean I’m supposed to expose my family to potential danger in the name of Jesus to reach them?  Can’t we just go to them?  You know, it seems obvious that we should be willing to invite the hurting into our homes.  But to hear her say she WANTS that.  That was offensive.  I might have to let go of some sense of control I think I have over the safety of my family for that to happen.  She’s sharing her life with those who need Christ, and I’m still sitting there thinking…well, we could hide the TVs in a locked bedroom while the riff raff are visiting.  What?!?!  I’m so stubborn.  God really has to drill down deep sometimes to get past my craziness to get His point across.  I’m thankful His love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.  BTW, that was a song we sang all weekend.  I sat through worship singing the songs and not feeling particularly moved by them at the time.  BUT, God has put those songs in my heart and head and on the radio at crucial times since the weekend and gotten His point across so very well.  I love how He gives me things I will need for the future.  I even made it through a scream crying fit session of the boys by singing that song out loud and keeping a smile on my face.  YES!  Again….not failure as a mother!  Success!  God is gracious and loving toward all He has made.  He might make something of me yet. 

What she did say that all sunk in combined with what the guy was saying about raising my boys was that my boys are going to learn to love and serve Jesus by example and example only.  I can talk at them all I want (which so worked with me as a kid), but they aren’t going to embrace the Jesus that I know so well the way I did.  They need to see His love at work.  So, she said grab a loaf of bread and make some sandwiches and go looking for the homeless as a place to start.  Don’t leave the kids in the car to protect them.  Let them lead the way.  Throw them right out there in the middle of the ministry putting my own faith to the test that He will protect them and use them the way He desires.  Only by modeling this and making this happen will my boys turn into true disciples.  Jen even went a step further…any of you that are pastors hold on to your hats…she even gave us mommas permission to skip a church program to model Jesus to our kids if there was no other time in our schedule to do so!  Radical I tell you.  Radical.  And that is why I love her. 

I’m ready to experience something real and relevant and radical and life changing.  I got Jesus myself a long time ago, so that is settled.  I invite people to church that never come.  I see churches all over doing these big events to draw in the masses.  I see a lot of work and prayer and money put into things that I am just not seeing fruit from.  Yes, it is all worth it if even just one person comes to know Christ.  But is there a better way?  Is there something more worthy of my time that would make more of an impact on eternity than what I’m doing…seeing tens, hundreds, or thousands saved instead of just 1?  The truth is, I feel most like a servant and disciple of Christ when I am taking food to shut ins, mowing a widow’s yard (well, volunteering Eric & Camden and then supervising it), counseling a friend privately on Facebook, gathering donations for someone who’s house burned down, buying items for backpacks for poor children, working Christmas parties for underprivileged children, etc.  I do feel encouraged when I go to church and fellowship with other believers.  I’m just afraid that we have created so many programs that should be making disciples of Christ but aren’t because we’ve not changed as the culture has changed.  I’m not talking about compromising our beliefs or changing the Gospel message.  I just think the days of the lost coming in the doors of the church to find Jesus are over.  I think we need to gather at the church long enough to get a game plan and then go find the lost where they are, prepared to show them the Jesus we talk about.  Talking about Jesus is no longer gonna cut it.  We’ve got to be Jesus with skin on and do His work.  We’ve got to go where he went and not be afraid it will rub off on us and tarnish the glow of our halos.  This goes beyond mission trips.  This is living a missional life.  Jen talked about how her kids changed when they started going and hanging out with homeless people.  Her kids now search for the lonely kid at school or the one causing trouble and try to befriend them to introduce them to Jesus.  I want my kids to want the hassle of dealing with difficult people because the people that are the hardest to love need it the most. 

So, this modeling Jesus business.  How does that work?  How does this translate into my life here everyday.  What can we do differently that is radical and life changing?  Only God knows.  So I’m asking Him.  And I’m waiting for His answer.  I already have a ton of ideas flowing for the summer when I can have all my kids home to do things together.  I have a hard time with just me and the little boys doing things.  It would have to be something that we could do together that they can handle at 4 and 2.  We will find it though.  Our family is going on mission together IN our community.  We invite our family and friends to go with us.  The Bible has a lot to say about taking care of widows, orphans, and the poor.  That has been our focus as a family from the beginning of our marriage…that is where we put our offerings even when we’ve been going through these seasons unable to put a great deal of our time.  The fog is lifting though, and it’s time to reach these people by being the hands and feet of Jesus.  Maybe we will be backing out of some programs to be more involved in other areas our church offers with missions.  I’m looking for something the “Renner, party of 5” can do together.  I look forward to the doors God opens in this radical change. 

I am praying about being strong when this means we have to quit something we are already doing to have time to do this.  My family time is already so guarded.  We are not the family that passes each other on the road while shuffling everyone where they need to be.  We just finished a weird season of a little bit of that due to Eric’s work schedule, and I did not like it in the least bit.  I like my family around the dinner table at night together.  I want my boys to have time every day unscheduled to be kids.  We limit activities and sports, and I just said no to another activity that secretly I had hoped my oldest would be able to do this year.  I just refuse to teach him to be so busy that he has no family life.  I want my three boys to become strong men of Christ who WANT to come home at night from work to kiss their wives, have their kids run up to hug them, sit around the dinner table discussing the day, and still have time to play outside with the kids before bed.  Just like my Eric.  He’s a jewel, and he’s a perfect role model of a great husband and father.  So, we will see how this works.  I do know that one of the speakers (probably Jen H) said that instead of living our lives with a little Jesus sprinkled into our world, we need to live out Jesus in everything we do.  I feel like we try to do that daily already.  I just need to be brave enough to accept the new challenges God sets before us.  Like inviting homeless people to dinner.  Can’t do that until we go meet some.  So, in the coming weeks, I have lots of calls to make to find out what we can do to meet some homeless people as a family.  Eric is big on the Experiencing God theory of joining in on something God is already doing.  So, I’ll be calling up some sweet friends who run rescue missions and see what can be done.  I’ll be marking our calendar to try to make events at Lighthouse Christian Camp (really our heartbeat mission project).  Whatever it is, I want hands on service to become second nature to my children.  Not the once or twice a year big project for Jesus.  

(I cannot hit the publish button without putting a note here about grammar and mechanics.  Gosh.  A red ink pen would bleed all over this thing.  I just tend to write how I think.  One day, I may polish all this stuff up.  It drives me crazy to leave it this way, but I will never, ever get blogging every day if I don't let that go.  Forgive me English teachers!)

Introduction to My Purpose

If you know me well, you know that I like words.  I love to talk, and I love to write.  As a mom of a 10 year old, a 4 year old, and a 2 year old, I feel like I rarely have time to do either.  I have so many more words per day I need to use than even the average woman (I’m quite sure), and I tend to feel depressed when I can’t get them out.  Facebook has been a great outlet for me in that I feel like I am communicating with other adults…at least to a limited degree.  Everyone has their opinion on the glories and detriment of Facebook in their lives.  It has been overall a great tool for me (although not without a few times I want to scream at it).  I love to be able to pray for people I care about and know what is going on in their lives.  I love to be able to step up and help out sometimes that I would have never known a need existed for otherwise.  I love to have people rally around me and pray for me when I’m in the trenches of despair over yet another toddler tantrum that broke the camel’s back.  I love looking at pictures of the good in my friends’ lives, and I love allowing my family back home a chance to “know” my boys and their quirks and daily lives in ways like no other generation has had before that moved far away from “home” to start a new home.  So, my statuses are rarely ever a simple, “I went to the store.”  I love using many words to paint a picture of the point I’m trying to get across.  In high school English, I had mastered grammar and mechanics to where I rarely lost any points on my essays there.  That red ink bled “wordy” more than once.  ;)  So, sit back, relax, and read awhile.  Or go read another friend’s blog that is short and sweet if that is more your flavor.

I’ve decided to start blogging against my will.  Facebook has been great for what I had time for up till now.  However, God and I had a chat about my purpose in life.  You know, that purpose that exists outside of wife and mom which will always come first right after my personal walk with the Lord.  The one that always hits the backburner time and again because wife and mom have things that need to be done NOW.  I went to the Women’s “dotMom Conference” this past weekend put on by Lifeway.  I always go to these things and think, “I would love to be that person on that stage saying these amazing things about God to others.  I would love to be that lady leading worship.”  Right now, I could do two out of three things I want to be able to do one day…I can speak, I can sing, but I still need to learn how to play guitar.  Anyway, focusing on the speaking part because there are way too many people in the world that can sing better than I can, God and I were chatting.  I always ask questions in my mind like “how would I go about being one of them?”  Some ladies have accomplished this goal by the time they are 36, and I have yet to get started.  The answer always goes…they build credibility by teaching small scale and then writing a book.  OK.  I’ve done and am still willing to do any teaching small scale God sends my way.  I love it.  Just not with kids.  I like adults or teenagers.  Next issue…the book.  So, I ask God in all of His wisdom what the difference is between me and the ladies that have written a book.  I can even name personal friends of mine that are published writers that seem to be normal, every day folk like me.  God answered with a deeply profound statement.  Ready for this?  Here comes the big answer from God.  “Renee, they write things down.”  Whoa.  Yeah.  Hmmm.  “You’re right God.  It has been awhile.  It’s been awhile since I actually wrote what You were putting in my head down anywhere intelligibly.”  See, over 10 years ago & before I had kids, I wrote all the time.  I started three books.  One being a daily devotional book.  I really like that one.  Snippets of randomness that I don’t have to spend too much time or go into great depth on.  Just some simple encouragement from Scripture to start the day.  Sometimes I wonder if I could have been given the “Jesus Calling” assignment  or something like it had I kept on writing.  Anyway, I decided that I really need to write in a way that I can find what I’ve written easily to maybe one day put it together for a book.  I was loving doing the financial tips of the day on Facebook.  Then I just completely forgot for days in a row.  Life got crazy raising boys, and it became more hit and miss.  One of my two sweet friends who actually responded positively about my starting to blog with excitement is hoping it’s about finances.  Well, it will be some.  Maybe it will always have a financial tip regardless of the topic.  That is certainly a passion of mine to see God’s people become good stewards of all that He has given us.  This blog included in me being a good steward of what He has given me….a word, time, and a computer.

My sweet husband tells me that he can see me as a great speaker and author.  So, I have a hand full of people in my corner cheering me on to accomplish the goal set before me.  The beginning is taking me time to figure this blog thing out (5 redirects to access this blog that you will notice was last updated when we chose Mark's name).  Check back (maybe tomorrow) for the next installment.  Most of it is already written as a part two of this introduction.  It’s about my desire and calling to do something radical & life changing.  Watch for my Facebook link that part two is up.  It will be worth it.

Now, just for Karen, here is a financial tip of the day:  Support your friends in their endeavors when they are dreaming big dreams to accomplish God's purpose (cause maybe they will be one of the two people excited for you when you start to dream up/fulfill yours).  Maybe you can't afford to buy a ton of home party type stuff for yourself, but Christmas is coming up.  Spending money (on gifts you have to buy anyway) with friends that are selling stuff to support their families and God's work is a great way to further God's Kingdom.  Using your sweet friend who's a Disney travel agent EVEN THOUGH you are totally stressing her out cause you are a control freak (and she actually knows you and you have to see her again) to get your vacation planned helps further God's Kingdom.  Spend your money at places you know honor God.  I'm not saying boycott and all that other places...that is between you and God.  I'm just saying to be faithful with what you spend by giving it to people that are faithful with what they spend first.  Set a budget.  Start your Christmas shopping now a gift each paycheck if you don't have a budget so that you won't have a long list with no money on Christmas Eve and go into debt up to your eyeballs.  Make a plan for presents.  Even if that plan is that presents are scarce this year.  Be thoughtful with the few dollars you can spend.  Planning ahead gives you time to make something special that is cheap that still makes the receiver feel special.  

Baby Boy has a name!

As for the name....drum roll please...we are calling him Mark. It will either be Ryan Mark or Mark Ryan. We haven't decided for sure on order, but we will call him Mark. We all wanted to call him Ryan, but I couldn't subconsciously quit referring to him as Mark. I would wake up and feel him move and think "Hi Mark!". I would get ready to work on the room and think "I need to get the bedding put on in Mark's room." I had been praying multiple times a day, and I know Eric had prayed some about it too (just not sure on his frequency) that the Lord would show us the perfect name for this child. It was driving me crazy that he didn't have a name when we first layed eyes on him (at the ultrasound...we knew by then with Camden that that was his name), and I had no peace until we decided. We tried to decide to call him Ryan for a few days, but I couldn't quit calling him Mark. Eric felt good about calling him Mark, and Camden finally said yesterday that he changed his mind and wanted to call him Mark too. So, with that consensus, we feel good announcing it to the world! I really think that was the Lord's way of anointing the name! In case you missed it somehow, Mark is due June 10. :)

Baby Boy's Room is painted!

Thanks to my sweet husband Eric for painting baby boy's room a beautiful light blue today. I normally get to be the painter because I really do enjoy it, but since I'm carrying the baby, we thought it best I not paint for his safety. Eric isn't fond of painting, but he's a hero always doing what needs to be done whether he likes doing it or not! I can't wait to get the house put back together with the nursery setup. That's always the trouble with these sorts of projects...everything spills into every room until the fruit basket turnover is over! We're moving the boys' playroom to the bonus room in the process too. We've been cleaning out and clearing out, but still have too much junk! This week will be dedicated to getting the place organized again. I used to have the extra bedroom space for my packrattedness, but I really need to purge many old boxes of items that I've been sentimentally hanging on to. I have 2 boys now who need space to play! :)

It's a Boy!

We had our ultrasound today (I'm 19 weeks, 1 day), and we're adding another boy to our household! Life should be easy this way for sure. Being due the same day as Camden, all the clothes should fit in the right seasons and everything. We just need to paint this weekend (well, Eric is gonna get to paint anyway!), and I need to wash up all the stuff in storage to be ready for our new little boy in June! I can't wait to get the house situated and feel like I'm ready for his arrival.

I don't guess I posted on here, but Sunday, December 7th, Camden accepted Jesus as his Savior. He will be baptized Sunday morning, February 1, at the 10:30 service at our church. We'd love to have you be with us that day if you are available!

I'm off to play "Sorry" with Camden. And, I have to get ready for tonight's all new episode of Smallville. If you don't know me, I'm highly addicted! Have a great day!

Ughhhh!

Well, over lunch Eric was reminding me that some of you guys actually have links to our blogspot from your own sites. That was his subtle way to urge me to use some of my free time to post a blog since Camden's in school a full day now for Kindergarten. Although, every time I think about posting something, I think, my...how dull my life is. Well, I mean, I love it, but I'm not sure that you care to read about the daily things that excite me. I am an accountant at heart, so my thrills come from getting the 1040 booklet in the mail so I can start my taxes, paying bills, and this time of year, closing out my own little version of an accounting system on our personal finances. I know, you are yawning. Or shrieking in terror at the thought. This is my world. I don't work anymore for pay, so I have to use all that knowledge somehow!

Well, for the UGHHHHH title...today has been a challenge. Perfectly lovely in many regards....a lunch date with Eric at Applebee's, errands run, some sunshine after all of yesterday's flooding (but it also hailed on me at one point this afternoon in between the sunshine...go figure), and even a Dairy Queen blizzard for me and the baby before picking up Camden from school. On the other hand though, here are my gripes:

I go to Applebee's to eat one thing (yes, I'm picky)--Tortilla Chicken Melt...it's by far the most enjoyable healthy item out there...or WAS. You got a rainbow of finely chopped up veggies (so, not able to taste too well the broccoli or other less desirable veggies) with melted cheese and chicken in a sort of quesadilla thingy with some good dressing stuff on top that's sort of a ranch sauce but not exactly...better. UNTIL TODAY! Well, officially, they changed their menu on Monday, but it didn't effect me till today. They no longer carry my favorite dish! This is the story of my life. I will find something I really, really enjoy (I would say love, but Eric reminds me that we love people and use things, and food falls in the "things" category), and then once I'm hooked on it, they discontinue it. I can't tell you how many facial moisturizers, makeup, clothing brands, foods, menu items, etc have been discontinued probably only because someone found out that I like them. So, I had the fajitas (not without nicely but disappointedly making my point to the waitress that I only came there to eat the melt) that were perfectly fine except they are much like the ones I make at home because there is no distinct "seasoning" to set them apart from my own frying pan. We'll call this irritant #1.

I get home and check my mail to find a bill from one of my doctors (if you know me, you know I've seen many in the last couple of years to try to get my undiagnosable illness resolved...which I did and was able to get pregnant thankfully) saying I owe almost $100 balance from visits back in June. JUNE! It's January. Again, noting my above love of year end closing on my personal finances, 2008 was closed! I had posted all the expenses (so I thought) and came out under budget (YAY!) for the year, and I was happy to be starting 2009 organized and ready to go. Now, this is where I have to turn from griping to praise to the Lord because in Eric's last check from 2008, there was a little bit extra in it b/c they didn't have to take out any more SS $ cause they had all they needed already. Given that we have almost already spent everything in our Flex plan that is supposed to last us through June for medical expenses, I figured it would be good to put that bit extra into a medical "account" (not an account like you think....it's more of a designated portion of our savings account...every dollar in savings has a "name" or designation). Well, guess what? That "extra" I was hoping to save for future expenses just happened to be 96 cents more than the happy little bill I was sent. Praise God for His provision when I don't even know I need it! But I'm still gonna gripe that my doc waited forever to bill me for something I didn't know I owed. On to irritant #3 or the one I like to call "the doozy of them all".

"The Doozy of them all": December 26, partly in response to that under budget thing I mentioned earlier, we bought a new TV for our bedroom. We had thought about it and prayed about it and had the money to do it, so we found what we wanted in a great deal online from Circuit City. We even get a free Bluray player with the TV which we are excited about using in our living room. Well, when we ordered it, we noticed that on one screen, it put the player in our cart, but when we checked out, it wasn't there. So, we call their happy little customer service number, and a sweet woman named Mercy told me that it didn't show up because it was out of stock but she did see that we should get one, so she put in a special order at no cost to me to get me my bluray player. YAY! But wait...you thought I said this was an UGHHHH.....WELL, today, I get a call on my answering machine (right after opening that bill) from a guy stumbling over himself obviously with no real clear explanation that something about because I used my $100 off coupon and that they have no more bluray players that we would NOT be receiving our player. Hmmm....now, I didn't call immediately because I have a very short fuse and at this point was steaming mad. I know myself well enough to not talk to anyone I'm mad at until I've had time to calm down. It's that whole...be angry but do not sin thing....I try REALLY hard not to throw the sin on the backend of my anger. (Praise God for grace though.) After detailing the medical bill from looking back at old Blue Cross forms and receipts and resolving that yes, I guess I do owe the doctor more than what he billed me in August that I paid (yes, I thought I had paid all that was left once insurance settled then), I decided to give Dantel a lovely phone call. Only, I get voicemail. Of course! Talking to a real person who doesn't want to hear back from their angry customer is difficult. I left a nice little voicemail for Dantel basically letting him know that I wanted my bluray player and this to be resolved and if the person answering my voicemail did not have the authority to talk to me and make my situation better, they might as well go ahead and have their manager call me back. Guess what? No phone call yet. I doubt it will ever come.

So, will we ever get our bluray player? My answer is yes. My next idea is to go have a nice little meeting with our local store manager. And I do mean nice. I need someone real to plead my case on the inside. However, Eric called another number, and he seemed to be told by some lady that we would indeed get our player, but we would have to wait until they came back in stock. That's fine. So long as one day, we get it. It's about customer service and getting what you thought you paid for. They advertised the deal. It's not like we negotiated a special deal. It was right there on their site. We clicked the little button that says "I'm a sucker and I believe you're gonna give me this deal" (how my mind views it now, obviously), so we expect a TV and bluray player. Note: a side irritant of this ordeal too is that we still don't have our TV yet, and no one can seem to tell us when it will ship either. Moral of story: avoid Circuit City's website for sure. Unless you like a giant headache and lots of your free time on the phone with incompetent people!

June 10

Well, we haven't officially announced this to the world yet, but for anyone who still checks this to see if anything new is on here, you get a special treat! We are pregnant! After 5 years of trying for a second child, the Lord has answered our petitions of Him! The total God part is that we had completely quit trying as I have a herniated disc in my lower back that cause sciatica. It can be severe, and I was waiting to see a neurosurgeon to find out how bad it was. God thought this would be a good time to surprise us! I am due June 10, which was the same due date as Camden's! God is so good!

I am about 7 1/2 weeks along by measurement, 8 weeks tomorrow by due date. We had our first ultrasound last Thursday, and everything looked good! We heard and saw the heartbeat which was 127 bpm. I was 7 weeks and 1 day, but I measured 6 weeks 4 days. They don't want to change the due date yet, and I certainly don't want them to! It's too cool the way it is. They said that everything looked good and that I had probably ovulated on like day 18 instead of day 14 and that would explain the difference in measurement. The due date is just a guess anyway. Kind of a time to look forward to and have your ducks in a row. Of course, Camden was 3 1/2 weeks early. Some of my ducks were still swimming around the pond when he arrived, so I'll be better prepared this time! I have been talking to the baby trying to convince him or her to wait at least till Memorial Day to make an appearance. (I originally said Labor Day as I often get the two confused, but I had to quickly correct myself as Labor Day is totally out of the question!)

We have our 2nd ultrasound this Friday. I should be at or closer to 8 weeks either way, and things should have changed a lot by then. I'll post pictures after that visit. The baby will be bigger and easier to see by then.

We are praising God for how wonderful He is. Camden is truly excited to be a big brother, and he tells people he will be a good big brother. We think so too. He is so helpful and really loves the baby already. He is trying to help us think of names, except he really thinks outside the box. He is reading very well already using phonics, so he puts letters together for names by the phonics. A few of his names so far have been: Oxo, Clugh, Oraen, & Erec (to be different than him & Daddy). He comes up with many everyday. Camden would like to have a baby brother, but he thinks the baby will be a girl. I know he'll love a sister, but I'm sure he's thinking of having a brother to play with down the road. Either way, it will be fun! He even graciously is giving up his playroom (eventually) to make a nursery for the baby. My sweet little man is so loving toward his sibling!

Sounds so weird to say that! It's been so long. I'm doing pretty well, although I have an aversion to smelling or thinking about food. We've eaten out way too much as I really have a hard time cooking anything. It's either hit the fast food or buffets so that I can eat pretty much as soon as I first smell it. Otherwise, I get really nauseated. Thankfully, I don't have morning sickness like so many do. I just get indigestion and nausea all day long. I'm just glad to not have to stay at the big white throne like others!

Well, I'll end here for now. Sorry it's been so long. If there are any readers still out there, thanks!