Hiding God's Word in My Heart

Well, I wanted to write this last week, but life got in the way.  I know I had beautiful words ready to fill this page then.  I hope they come back to me as I type.

I think anyone who loves the Lord and offers any advice whatsoever about how to grow in your relationship with God will tell you how important that reading God's Word is daily.  They will tell you that the more you spend time studying His Word, the more like Jesus you will become.  I'm not refuting that one bit.  Totally agree.  One important aspect of this process is taking the time to memorize Scripture.  Psalm 119:11 says,

"Your word I have hidden in my heart,
That I might not sin against You."  NKJV

Why does hiding God's Word in our hearts keep us from sinning?  Well, lots of good reasons.  Most people will say that sin is doing something wrong.  The Bible will give us clear direction as to what is "wrong."  It offers a whole lot of things to do that are "right" as well.  What new Christians may not know is that James 4:17 says, 

"Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin."

Wow.  Maybe you haven't heard that before.  It's pretty heavy.  It takes following Christ to a new level.  No longer are you just supposed to NOT do bad things...you are supposed to do the good things you know to do as well.  Here it is.  This is the part that usually gets even the people who think they are righteous in their own eyes because generally they are good people.  I know we are all guilty of having moments though where we know we should do something good but find plenty of reasons not to do it.  As I type, I know I need to fix supper soon.  I guess in writing this, I will get up and cook when I'm finished.  There have been plenty of times when I have been lazy and just refused to get up.  It generally results in my family eating food that isn't as nutritious for us.  There have been times that God has nudged me to do something...write a letter, make a phone call, go talk to someone...and I've totally chickened out.  Yeah.  Sin.  Comes in lots of disguises.  Really makes me appreciate that Jesus lived 33 years on this earth without committing even one sin despite fully being man.  

Hiding God's Word in our hearts helps us to battle temptation.  The Bible is our guide...like an instruction manual...like this acrostic says:

Basic

Instructions

Before

Leaving 

Earth

Memorizing specific Scripture for encouragement in hard times is key to the Christian life.  The Holy Spirit is our helper...He is part of the Trinity (God the Father, Jesus the Son, the Holy Spirit).  Jesus tells us in Scripture that when we accept His free gift of salvation, the Holy Spirit comes into our lives to be our helper.  He is bigger than our conscience.  He is a living, guiding force that works to help us out.  When we memorize Scripture, the Holy Spirit can recall what we have studied to our minds at the perfect times.  Whatever situation we are in, He can call back to our memories a passage of Scripture or a Bible verse that will help us through it.  He can't recall for us something we haven't put in though.  We have to put forth the effort.  Maybe you think you don't have enough brain cells left to memorize.  (Oh friend, I can relate now!)  Ask God to help you retain what you are studying.  It is perfectly OK to call for supernatural help!  God wants us to learn His Word, so He is faithful to help us memorize!  

OK...now on to the point of my post...what happens when life feels like it is swallowing you whole?  For me, this was reaching a point of exhaustion with an 8 year old, a strong willed 2 year old, and a newborn.  Good golly, I was a mess!  I longed for God's Word in my life...I longed for even 5 minutes of quiet where I could focus and dig deeper into the Bible.  It rarely came for days at a time.  When it did, it was way too short.  Everything within me cried out for more.  I battled feeling guilty for not being able to accomplish a true quiet time.  Yet, at the same time, God would call Scripture to my mind and comfort me that I was OK with it.  If only I could have accepted His gracious view of myself, I would have been better off.  We put way too much pressure on ourselves to be all we can be.  I like Laura Story's new song called "I Can Just Be Me."  Here is the verse that are words I needed to hear in the trenches:

"I've been doing all that I can

To hold it all together
Piece by piece.
I've been feeling like a failure,
Trying to be braver
Than I could ever be.
It's just not me.

So be my healer, be my comfort, be my peace.
Cause I can be broken, I can be needy,
Lord I need You now to be,
Be my God, so I can just be me."

The truth is, God was telling me this very thing as I was struggling under the guilt of thinking I should be more.  One of these days, I'm going to learn to trust the Holy Spirit's voice in my life more than my own or even other Christians trying to take His place in my life.  Well meaning Christians can make me feel guilty like no one else.  There's a warning to heed...make sure when we speak into the lives of others that it is a word from God...not just our own thoughts from our soapbox.  

Here is what I do know.  As I was driving with screaming toddlers to pick up in afternoon car rider line, I would try to remember any Scripture I could conjure up.  God would always send something comforting to my mind.  As I was filling sippy cups and cleaning up messes, God would send comforting Scripture to my mind.  In the mundane, routine, exhausting days of my life, God and I would talk.  About His Word.  About my life.  About my friends' and family's prayer requests.  In fact, in some ways, I grew closer to God in a new way than I had ever been before.  I was dependent on Him to survive.  Being a Christian isn't always sunshine and rainbows.  I would love to say that I persevered under those mundane trials with a smile remaining positive.  But I didn't.  I was a mess.  Because when I lose sleep, even going back to my childhood, I get whiny and cranky.  I was losing more sleep than ever in my life with a medical condition that made it worse (I plan to blog about that soon too), and I just couldn't muster up the sunshine and rainbows.  That did not mean that God was not there though.  That did not mean that I wasn't in constant fellowship with Him.  God was real and in the mess with me.  He never left nor forsook me.  He met me right where I was.  In His time, He has pulled me out of that place of exhausted despair, and He has restored my sunshine and rainbows.  

The key though was that I had put in the time.  I had memorized Scripture when life was NOT a blessed mess, and I depended on it daily when life was.  Many days, the Bible I "read" was the Scripture called to my mind.  While I long to open up the beautiful pages of my Bible and soak up the blessed words on each page in quiet bliss, there are just days that doesn't happen.  And I'm OK with that.  Meditating on God's Word just looks differently some days than others.  God is faithful to meet me for them all.  Faithfulness is what I long for...where I want to be.  I look forward to the days of hours spent in God's Word diving in deep again.  I'm not gonna sweat the days until then though.  

I love how God puts His Word that I need to hear in front of me when I need it.  A divine Word for my situation.  Saturday morning, I was feeling a little uneasy about heading out to help the homeless with my oldest son with me because of a post I saw about this other homeless man that was assaulting volunteers and others.  He had put a different homeless man in the hospital.  Now, the normal crowd we see are very nice and appreciative.  Some of them smell of fresh alcohol, but in general, they are not too threatening.  Not to say there haven't been encounters...just that it is generally safe at the time of day we go.  I was feeling anxious and a little fearful Saturday morning.  God put the verse from Hebrews 13:6  in front of me that says,

"So we may boldly say: “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

Talk about a timely word!  Proverbs 25:11 says, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold In settings of silver."  Yes!  Love it!  Love it even more when the word comes directly from God to my soul!  

I encourage you to memorize God's Word.  Write it on notecards and carry it with you to read in traffic or while waiting in line.  I love window markers and writing on my bathroom mirrors.  I decided a long time ago to buy decorations and shower curtains and wall hangings and on and on with Bible verses on them.  I want my kids to absorb as much of God's Word as I can.  Put God's Word in front of you.  It will stick!  Blessings sweet friends!  I'm off to "do good" and make some chili for my family!

It's Just a Stage

I am so far behind on blogging.  I have wanted to blog like a zillion times since last time, and I haven't had time to bang anything out on this computer.  I decided I just need to pick a topic on my mind and get one done.  So, here goes.

I was talking with the Lord this morning about life.  You know, big picture version this time instead of specific trials.  One thing He impressed upon me lately is that as moms, we need to encourage each other more that sometimes, "it is just a stage."  You know, a short amount of time that children adopt a new quirk or irritating habit or bad attitude that may feel like an eternity...but it's just a stage they are going through.  It is not the end of the precious child we once knew or the beginning of their road toward delinquency.  Just a stage.  I remember hearing that phrase used much more often when I was growing up than it is now.  I don't know if people think it is old fashioned or untrue now or what.  I just think we could take a lot of encouragement by keeping that in mind.  That is not to excuse parents from dealing with their children's new bad habits or disciplining them when they are wrong.  I'm talking about when your kid is pushing your buttons about something that is driving you crazy, and you have done and are doing everything in your power to set him/her on the correct course when the kid is hell bent on doing his/her own thing.  I think I got really discouraged during the baby fog years because I was tired from the baby yet dealing with a strong willed toddler while living in a world of people convinced that if I read the book and fixed my parenting that I would truly have a new kid by Friday.  Well, I read that book and realized I had already tried most of those methods.  I tried again anyway.  I tried the new concepts too.  None worked.  Friday came around, and my kid had not made the promised progress.  So I must have been doing something wrong.  My best efforts to be a mother must not have been as good as other mothers whose children were different by Friday.  One thing I've found is that the older I get and further along my walk with the Lord I get, the more creative Satan gets at the ways he tries to derail me.  I don't always notice his new disguises and tricks.  His lies are the same though.  I read a post this week by Ann Voskamp that said, "The enemy of your soul only has two battle plans for this year: 1. Blind you to who God is. 2. And blind you to who you are."  That's so true.  He is full of lies, and he dresses them up in new ways to attack us to accomplish one of those two purposes.

One thing that is ever so present when I have babies is how big God is.  My view of how awesome God is is magnified as I look at these tiny precious creatures who are totally dependent on me for everything to live.  How He created these bundle of joy and allowed them to grow inside of me and got them out and in my arms...miracle.  So, it's hard for Satan to mess with my view of God in those times.  I ought to expect him to mess with the way I see myself, but the fog numbs the mind so that I guess I just forget how he works.

I was still in fellowship with the Lord and having time with Him (albeit not quiet...2 full years of not quiet), but that baby fog really takes a toll on me.  I lose my ability to process and apply what I know the way I can at other times.  It is much like being totally frustrated looking for glasses when the whole time they are on your head.  You've got everything you need, yet you just can't have it together. I'm so glad God is patient with me and He gently loves me through the times that I'm not functioning as well as I need to be.

I desperately needed to hear somebody say, "it's just a stage."  My baby fog had me discouraged and thinking my strong willed child would remain rebellious and even mean at times forever and it was totally my fault.  I thought I was raising a hellion.  This beautiful creature that God gave me would no longer be all I had dreamed he would be.  Satan gets in there and whispers all sorts of fears and insecurities in us as parents.  When I'm not in baby fog, I can see how he messes with other moms...he just attacks them differently than he does me because he knows what gets them in a tizzy too.

The joy of "it's just a stage" is that when that stage is over, you can see clearly.  "I can see clearly now the rain is gone...."  Yeah.  Now, that precious child that I was afraid would be warped forever on his way to juvenile delinquency has moved on from that stage.  You heard me.  He left it behind.  Did I magically do anything as a parent that made it stop?  No.  It was just a stage.  Did I try everything in my power and rack my brain for anything else I could have done differently to change him?  You bet I did. I spent close to 2 years tied up in knots feeling like a failure as a mother over a stage.  You'd think this was my first time around the block.  This was my 2nd kid though!  Not even my first!  I've got to get this phrase planted in my mind and keep it in mind parenting this third child and getting ready for the next hard stages with all 3 of them.

My now 4 1/2 year old strong willed little boy has matured in leaps and bounds in the last few months.  Where I was afraid he was behind, he has finally hit his maturity growth spurt and left the stage of meanness and mischievousness behind.  He now laughs more and is funny and is very caring towards all of us the way I wanted him to be 2 years ago.  He got there in his own time.  I don't want to say we had nothing to do with it.  We did do our best to discipline him and use every opportunity to tell him how Jesus wants us to act and treat others.  I'm just here to say to any weary moms that there is hope!  It may just be a stage!  Keep doing what you know to do to train your child, but rest in the fact that it may just take time and maturity for your kid to do any better!  Pray for them, and have faith that God will do the good work in your child that He promises!

My sweet middle child has become less obstinate and more considerate.  And, breakthrough of all breakthroughs, he even is starting to get his need for a Savior!  At bedtime the other night, his little brother was being loud and ugly during storytime and prayer time.  Middle child joined in (that was a big part of the problem so long...he would act as his little brother all the time instead of his age).  Daddy got on to both of them.  Middle child burst into tears.  Now, tears up to this point have been because of getting in trouble.  This time, he told his Daddy that he was sad he did wrong.  What?  We've been trying to get him to realize this for over 2 years!  He was sad over his behavior instead of being caught for it!  Yay!  We are praying that it won't be long before he accepts Jesus as his Savior.  The first step is realizing he's a sinner.  He is on his way.

This precious child is voluntarily going to bed at night when he always fought it before.  He is consoling his little brother when he is upset instead of trying to cry louder to get attention himself.  He is excited about going to Kindergarten next year and doing everything we ask of him to be ready.  Our consistency (even when we thought it was doing zero good) and prayers are producing results.  We could not force him to leave his bad behavior behind (despite any punishments or rewards systems), but he is growing out of it.  It was just a stage.  Whew!

Seriously, you just can't believe the joy in my heart over the last month or so seeing this change in my child.  It is a relief that I just cannot find words to explain.  Maybe I'm not the worst mother on the planet after all.  Maybe I was doing everything right.  (Probably not, but at least more right than wrong I know).  I look back and I see that God was trying to get me to realize this all along the way, but the baby fog had me believing Satan's lies more than the tender voice of God.  I believed God...don't get me wrong.  I just was too tired physically and mentally to put much faith into claiming what God was telling me.

Here is my point of this blog...what I want you to take away from this.  If you are a weary mother trying to do everything right by God's Word for your kids and you see no fruit, don't lose heart.  It may just be a stage.  Do what you know to do...what God leads you to do...and accept that that is all that is expected of you.  Your situation does not have to look like that of your friend's who seems to be the perfect parent.  They have their own battles they are facing that look nothing like yours.  What works for one may not work for another.  You need to embrace the words that it is only a stage.  It is not the end of the world as you know it.  You may feel like you are losing the battle.  You are NOT losing the war though.  Kids are different and respond to life differently from one another.  It broke my heart that my sweet child that I managed to sandwich in between two brothers as the notoriously pegged middle child spent two years seemingly mad at the world 75% of the time.  He is happy 95% of the time now.  He is not scarred for life.  He is past whatever horrible stage he was stuck in for so long, and life is good.  My heart is full from thankfulness to the Lord for being out of that stage and into this new wonderful life!  Just in time for child #3 to pick up where he left off.  Oh joy.  But my heart is not burdened this time...I know it is just a stage.  I am not looking forward to the battles ahead with another stubborn and mean toddler, but I am giving more grace and responding patiently.  It is just a stage.  He is gonna get in trouble for being mean and acting ugly, but if he is anything like his brother, it will not phase him one bit.  In fact, he just came up and pinched me for no reason.  Yep.  Instigator of meanness.  I have confidence this time around though that we will survive this stage.  It will try us.  It will frustrate us.  However, I am embracing those words.  It is just a stage.  So, judge us if you see us if you choose.  That is on you.  I'm not gonna let it bother me.

Philippians 1:6, "Being confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus."