Thursday, November 14, 2013

Constant Change

Today's blog is more of a time for me to just throw some thoughts out there.  I realize that I have a very analytical mind, and everyone does not have that.  I think it can frustrate those who don't just as much as it frustrates me that I do.  I analyze everything in life whether I mean to or not.  In fact, Eric probably has said, "quit analyzing it," so much that he probably "needs a record on repeat" for me.  Please don't read here that I'm judgmental.  I really try hard not to be.  I really strive to show grace.  I'm not perfect, but they really are different in my mind.  There again, if you aren't wired like me, you probably don't see a difference.  I can analyze a situation without interjecting my personal feelings about the players involved.  I try to season my words with love so that my analytical thoughts don't come out sounding judgmental.  I need more work on that though.

For instance, you may have read my statuses last weekend that I went with some ladies down to tour some homeless camps.  There were 4 of us that went together as a team, and I guarantee you all four of us walked away with different thoughts and feelings on the matter.  I have a calling on my life from God to take care of the homeless, and I surrendered to that call before my college church, Stevens Street Baptist Church, a few months before I got married in 1998.  At that time, I was heartbroken over the homeless.  I think that is where a couple of my team were on Saturday.  Over the last 15 years though, I have learned and seen so many different sides of the coin on the homeless though.  Now, as I walked through the camps on Saturday and listened to stories of their lives, I am past feeling sorry for these people.  I have a desire to help them, but few stories move me to tears anymore...at least in the areas we were in.  These are the people who are choosing to live in rebellion to society.  Most we talked to have families they could be with or could live at the Downtown Rescue Mission (which I LOVE the ministry they have!  Check it out!).  What I "heard" as I analyzed what they said is that they don't want to live by rules and would rather live outside than have to be submissive.  Now.  Wait.  Don't think I'm not on board with helping them.  Because I am.  Here is where I come from though...I think it is a balance.  I do not want to enable people to live in rebellion to God or society.  However, these people obviously need Jesus, and they are not going to want my Jesus if I don't establish a relationship with them.  How do you establish relationships and trust?  Meet peoples' needs.  So, I am searching to find the balance of meeting their needs so that they will trust me to accept my Jesus.  That is a process.  That is not one weekend of handing out some food and feeling good about yourself for doing your part.  That is my answer to "you know there are other organizations out there doing the same thing."  Yes.  I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday.  What I want to find out is how many of those organizations are seeking to truly give Jesus WITH their handouts.  I think it is easy for that to start as your goal but get lost along the path when dealing with hungover people on a regular basis.  So, we are on a scouting mission to figure out what needs to be done.  We will hand out food and blankets and such to get a chance to glimpse into their world.  After all, we are walking into peoples' "homes" even though they have no house.  The song on my heart Saturday morning...the specific line was..."And we'll save each man's dignity and save each man's pride...and they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love.  Yes they'll know we are Christians by our love."  Hard to walk side by side with people who don't want you there, but we are looking for a way.  On that note, that is EXACTLY what the Downtown Rescue Mission does.  They are in it for the long haul of rehabilitation with the folks who are willing to change.  Back to my blog point though...Constant Change.  Some people just refuse it entirely like those living under the bridges.  Lord, may I not be like them in my heart!

Back to constant change.  My head is spinning this morning thinking about the last year of my life.  While I am so glad the baby fog days are over, I'm not sure I fully understood what was following those.  With three boys spread out in age (10, 4, 2), I feel like I'm all over the place.  I have been inwardly searching for a routine...searching for the new normal.  I'm trying to accept that the new normal is really just constant change.  I'm such a creature of habit.  I want my routines in place and feel peace from structure.  Yet, I have had very few days in 2013 look the same.  Just when I think things are leveling out, something else jumps in and disturbs my new routine.  Example:  cold weather.  I thought I had a handle on laundry.  I was finally on a good schedule, and it was getting almost all put away for a few weeks there.  Now, with added sleeves and pant legs, sweatshirts and jackets, I right now have 5 baskets of clean clothes waiting to be put away, and 4 baskets of dirty that are gathered that need to be washed.  I don't even want to think about what may be lurking under beds or scattered about.  I try to stay up on that, but it's 3 against 1 here.  So much for a good routine.

In the midst of a new routine, I have finally added back in some activities *I* want to be involved in outside my kids.  Like choir.  Loving it.  Still not able to be as committed as I prefer to be because I am *Mom* first.  I really feel like being more involved with the homeless is needed now.  God opened that door.  I told our faithful leader that I am completely able to be a leader...I just don't think I'm a self-starter.  She got this rolling, and I jumped on board without taking no for an answer.  I think God has something for me to lead in this to take something off her plate, but I needed that help getting started.  Praying about where to go next with this within the plan God is giving her too.  This is what I love about God.  He can take two separate people who are praying and give them the same vision and make it happen.  In adding these activities though, even more change has entered my life.  My weekends used to be to unwind and spend family time.  My goal is to establish a family oriented outreach to the homeless...one we can all do together.  Until then though, I have to use some weekend family time to go figure this out.  Definitely a change from mom always being the one here.

Then there is spiritual change too...in a desire to always grow closer to the Lord and more like Christ, change has to happen.  I am certainly not perfect the way I am, and God has to smooth off the rough edges constantly.  One of the first songs I remember singing as a solo in church (I think my first was "I am a Promise") was "He's Still Working on Me."  I didn't realize then that I would hear God whisper that in my life all along the way.  I am a work in progress.  Change is constant.  People have to bear with me.  I need a sign to always wear saying "under construction."  Some days I need a sign that says, "bridge out...find alternate route!"  ;D

Anyway, I'm out of time, but I'm always analyzing.  I just needed to get some of this out there.  Sorry to not say anything particularly inspiring or encouraging.  Here is something though:  remember to go be a blessing to someone today on purpose!  Much love from the crazy house!  Renee :)


Thursday, November 7, 2013

Little Things Scream Big

Anyone who has ever been in the house with a new baby knows this to be true...little things scream big!  Even as my little guys have grown into toddlers now, they still can scream big to be so little.  Screaming over being annoyed by a brother, not getting their way, or getting hurt despite all warnings it was gonna happen.  What about tiny fingernails on a chalkboard?  That's a big scream from a small occurrence.  The last two weeks, I've had little things scream big...last week, I cut my pointer finger at the bend while prepping food.  OW!  That one little cut screamed big for a few days.  It still isn't completely healed, but it is not screaming anymore.  This week?  Broke a nail below the quick.  Too far down to trim it off.  That little boo boo sure is screaming big every single time I touch anything.  It feels like I'm gonna rip that nail right off every single time.  It's amazing to me how such a little thing can send pain in a giant way through my body.  I finally wrapped my Ferb bandaid around it to quit hanging it on everything.  That's when I was inspired to write this post.

How many times do we let the little things in life scream big and distract us from our purpose?  I feel guilty of this far too often.  The traffic jams, drivers who must have gotten their license on clearance at Walmart, the checkout line that seemed the shortest until the cashier flips that "need help" light on....you know.  Stuff.  Everyday stuff that gets in our way of our best laid plans to just plain irritate the snot out of us.  Kids who refuse to go potty when you sit them on it before leaving to go somewhere when you know it will be awhile till they can go again, but then as soon as you are in the car, "Mommy, I have to go potty!"  Sure you do.  Of course.  We had a chance to be on time to ONE thing this month.  Why ruin our late streak now?  Still not sure what we forgot last Sunday morning, but I told my SS class to be ready for the Lord to come back because we were in class ON TIME...even so much so to get to poke fun at ourselves for the fact it never happens!  Anyway, there are so many little things that are screaming at us so loud that we have to learn to quieten in order to accomplish our purpose.

There was a time when my boys were babies (I define baby as two and under) that it only took one or two little things screaming big to render me useless for the rest of the day.  I was tired, worn completely out, lacking sleep, physically unhealthy (I have thyroid issues that get really bad after having babies), and completely overwhelmed with two boys 2 years old and under plus one in elementary school.  One blowout diaper, and my day was shot.  Emotionally & physically it was just too much.  God, in His infinite grace, has thankfully pulled me out of those baby fog years now.  It took so much grace though.  Grace was the theme of my quiet times (well, quiet was relative, but you know what I mean) and everything having to do with my spiritual life for almost 2 years.  It had to be.  I was a mess.  I am incredibly thankful the Lord chose to give me 3 sweet babies.  I wish He would have sent a nanny for the baby years though because I'm pretty sure those are my worst mothering years.  I know you folks who have older kids say just wait until they are teenagers.  I don't know.  I think the way I'm wired, I will be able to deal with that so much better than babies.  Babies just aren't (and never have been) "my thing."  I loved my boys as babies for sure.  Don't get me wrong. I'm just saying that I have very little ability to not let the little things scream big and win when babies are in my house.  I am praising Jesus that I now have some mornings when I can get out of bed without every little eye in the house popping open as soon as my feet hit the floor.

Getting a little better quality of sleep now most nights combined with boys who can do more on their own has helped me get back to a place where I can deal with the little things that scream big.  Now, there are certainly BIG things in our lives that scream big that need our full attention.  Health issues, big projects at work, God-sized tasks He's called us to...all big things that have the right to scream big.  But what about those hang nail issues?  You know, the things that are stressing us out but in the big scheme of things just don't matter.  We have GOT to learn to discern if it is just a little thing screaming big.  Like traffic...when you have somewhere you REALLY needed to be to stay on schedule for the day...that happened to me Tuesday.  It was traffic, and then a hold up at the register because the clerk couldn't find the gift card I had bought that should have been in the drawer.  (I'm Christmas shopping already.)  I had a list of things I wanted to get accomplished in my 4 glorious hours kid-free, and these little things were throwing me completely off schedule.  I decided to just thank God that He knows what is best for me and resolved that He must have been protecting me from something.  A wreck maybe?  Buying something I didn't need at the store I never got to?  I don't know.  I'm just quite sure that when I stopped stressing about it, it didn't seem to matter anymore.  That little thing that was screaming big ended up having no sound at all.

I think of sayings such as "don't sweat the small stuff" or "his bark is worse than his bite."  Yeah.  All good stuff.  Little things scream big, but overall, they just need to be told to hush.  After all, we have a purpose to accomplish.  God gave us all 24 hours in a day to manage for His glory.  I don't want to spend them all in a tizzy.  I'm tired of being frazzled.  I don't like the stressed out version of myself, and I'm pretty sure no one else does either.

We also have to learn to say "no" to things that steal time away from the big things.  I've threatened to tattoo one of my best friend's hand with the word NO on it so that she can be reminded to say no to the little things that take time away from the important things she wants to do.  It's great to be sweet and kind and helpful to others.  I'm even in a big "Be a Blessing" push right now that I need to blog about too.  I do think sometimes we sign on for things that God never intended to be on our agendas.  Just because it needs doing by someone doesn't mean it has to be you.  If God calls you to it, go.  If not, don't get in the way of who He is calling.  Because they may need to see the need and hear the plea in order to get out of their comfort zone and answer God's call.  Taking on things never meant to be yours distracts you from the God-sized tasks He has for you.  Our churches have so many wonderful things going on these days...ministries in all shapes and sizes for every member of the family.  I even saw a local church that had a pet blessing day where they brought their pets to a service for them.  (Not expressing any opinions here on that, and not looking for any....just an observation).  Even within the church, we can get spread so thin that we are no longer accomplishing what God had for us to do.  I personally struggle with guilt over not being at every single thing or opportunity.  I grew up in a small church where I was there every time the doors were open.  However, there weren't the exhaustive list of opportunities that there is now either.  So, I do only what I'm called to in HIS timing...not anyone else's.  Guilt is not a proper motivator.  Guilt is from the father of lies.  Conviction is from the Holy Spirit.  There is a difference, and you need to know it.

I don't know about you, but I need less screaming in my life and more calmness.  I want to keep striving to keep the little things from screaming big and distracting me from God's purpose for me at that moment.  Sometimes, the fix is a simple as putting this band aid on my hang nail was earlier.  I'm still dealing with the little thing...it hasn't gone away...but it is no longer screaming.  It now has proper place in my attention instead of demanding it all and zapping my energy.  What truths from God's Word do you need to be reminded of today to quieten the little things in your life that are screaming big?  The Bible verse on the boys' mirror this week is Philippians 4:6-7 NKJV, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."  God laid it on my heart earlier this week.  Normally, I put their AWANA verses up there, but I decided this was one I want them to know now too.  It has been essential to my life as a student, as a wife, and as a mother.  When the little things are screaming big, stop and pray.  Ask God to help you see them in proper perspective, and listen for His answer.  I love the verses that the Holy Spirit will call to my mind in those times...always just what I need.  I can hear God speak those words directly to me.  I hope you will too!  Have a blessed day!