Constant Change

Today's blog is more of a time for me to just throw some thoughts out there.  I realize that I have a very analytical mind, and everyone does not have that.  I think it can frustrate those who don't just as much as it frustrates me that I do.  I analyze everything in life whether I mean to or not.  In fact, Eric probably has said, "quit analyzing it," so much that he probably "needs a record on repeat" for me.  Please don't read here that I'm judgmental.  I really try hard not to be.  I really strive to show grace.  I'm not perfect, but they really are different in my mind.  There again, if you aren't wired like me, you probably don't see a difference.  I can analyze a situation without interjecting my personal feelings about the players involved.  I try to season my words with love so that my analytical thoughts don't come out sounding judgmental.  I need more work on that though.

For instance, you may have read my statuses last weekend that I went with some ladies down to tour some homeless camps.  There were 4 of us that went together as a team, and I guarantee you all four of us walked away with different thoughts and feelings on the matter.  I have a calling on my life from God to take care of the homeless, and I surrendered to that call before my college church, Stevens Street Baptist Church, a few months before I got married in 1998.  At that time, I was heartbroken over the homeless.  I think that is where a couple of my team were on Saturday.  Over the last 15 years though, I have learned and seen so many different sides of the coin on the homeless though.  Now, as I walked through the camps on Saturday and listened to stories of their lives, I am past feeling sorry for these people.  I have a desire to help them, but few stories move me to tears anymore...at least in the areas we were in.  These are the people who are choosing to live in rebellion to society.  Most we talked to have families they could be with or could live at the Downtown Rescue Mission (which I LOVE the ministry they have!  Check it out!).  What I "heard" as I analyzed what they said is that they don't want to live by rules and would rather live outside than have to be submissive.  Now.  Wait.  Don't think I'm not on board with helping them.  Because I am.  Here is where I come from though...I think it is a balance.  I do not want to enable people to live in rebellion to God or society.  However, these people obviously need Jesus, and they are not going to want my Jesus if I don't establish a relationship with them.  How do you establish relationships and trust?  Meet peoples' needs.  So, I am searching to find the balance of meeting their needs so that they will trust me to accept my Jesus.  That is a process.  That is not one weekend of handing out some food and feeling good about yourself for doing your part.  That is my answer to "you know there are other organizations out there doing the same thing."  Yes.  I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday.  What I want to find out is how many of those organizations are seeking to truly give Jesus WITH their handouts.  I think it is easy for that to start as your goal but get lost along the path when dealing with hungover people on a regular basis.  So, we are on a scouting mission to figure out what needs to be done.  We will hand out food and blankets and such to get a chance to glimpse into their world.  After all, we are walking into peoples' "homes" even though they have no house.  The song on my heart Saturday morning...the specific line was..."And we'll save each man's dignity and save each man's pride...and they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love.  Yes they'll know we are Christians by our love."  Hard to walk side by side with people who don't want you there, but we are looking for a way.  On that note, that is EXACTLY what the Downtown Rescue Mission does.  They are in it for the long haul of rehabilitation with the folks who are willing to change.  Back to my blog point though...Constant Change.  Some people just refuse it entirely like those living under the bridges.  Lord, may I not be like them in my heart!

Back to constant change.  My head is spinning this morning thinking about the last year of my life.  While I am so glad the baby fog days are over, I'm not sure I fully understood what was following those.  With three boys spread out in age (10, 4, 2), I feel like I'm all over the place.  I have been inwardly searching for a routine...searching for the new normal.  I'm trying to accept that the new normal is really just constant change.  I'm such a creature of habit.  I want my routines in place and feel peace from structure.  Yet, I have had very few days in 2013 look the same.  Just when I think things are leveling out, something else jumps in and disturbs my new routine.  Example:  cold weather.  I thought I had a handle on laundry.  I was finally on a good schedule, and it was getting almost all put away for a few weeks there.  Now, with added sleeves and pant legs, sweatshirts and jackets, I right now have 5 baskets of clean clothes waiting to be put away, and 4 baskets of dirty that are gathered that need to be washed.  I don't even want to think about what may be lurking under beds or scattered about.  I try to stay up on that, but it's 3 against 1 here.  So much for a good routine.

In the midst of a new routine, I have finally added back in some activities *I* want to be involved in outside my kids.  Like choir.  Loving it.  Still not able to be as committed as I prefer to be because I am *Mom* first.  I really feel like being more involved with the homeless is needed now.  God opened that door.  I told our faithful leader that I am completely able to be a leader...I just don't think I'm a self-starter.  She got this rolling, and I jumped on board without taking no for an answer.  I think God has something for me to lead in this to take something off her plate, but I needed that help getting started.  Praying about where to go next with this within the plan God is giving her too.  This is what I love about God.  He can take two separate people who are praying and give them the same vision and make it happen.  In adding these activities though, even more change has entered my life.  My weekends used to be to unwind and spend family time.  My goal is to establish a family oriented outreach to the homeless...one we can all do together.  Until then though, I have to use some weekend family time to go figure this out.  Definitely a change from mom always being the one here.

Then there is spiritual change too...in a desire to always grow closer to the Lord and more like Christ, change has to happen.  I am certainly not perfect the way I am, and God has to smooth off the rough edges constantly.  One of the first songs I remember singing as a solo in church (I think my first was "I am a Promise") was "He's Still Working on Me."  I didn't realize then that I would hear God whisper that in my life all along the way.  I am a work in progress.  Change is constant.  People have to bear with me.  I need a sign to always wear saying "under construction."  Some days I need a sign that says, "bridge out...find alternate route!"  ;D

Anyway, I'm out of time, but I'm always analyzing.  I just needed to get some of this out there.  Sorry to not say anything particularly inspiring or encouraging.  Here is something though:  remember to go be a blessing to someone today on purpose!  Much love from the crazy house!  Renee :)